Chapter Twenty Five

Photo by Andy Franklin

Death was on high alert now.  Taking care of the souls on the cruise ship had been relatively easy, compared to the mess in the stadium.  She wanted her bike back, and she wanted to stop whoever had decided to start killing everyone.  And, somewhere in the back of her head, was a desire for pie.  However, Death did have her priorities straight: Order, justice, then pie.

Death’s phone beeped at her, and she was dismayed to see it was an immediate collection.  She was also mildly relieved that it was only one soul that needed to be collected, rather than hundreds or thousands.  One soul was pretty easy to deal with. 

However, if this Robert Svenson guy was a suicide, she was going to tear his frickin’ head off.  On the upside, it looked like he lived pretty close to the Bump & Grind. She might be able to go and get a cup of coffee, if she had a spare minute afterwards.

Moments later, Death was outside Robert Svenson’s apartment.  She went inside, expecting to find a suicide pacing around and looking forlorn and confused.  Instead, she found the soul of an enormous man, dressed in black with skulls printed on his shirt, with a shaved head, and incongruously dainty wire-framed glasses, reading a battered copy of The Illiad.  Something about him seemed familiar.  What was it, though?

Robert happened to look up, and noticed Death.  He calmly marked his place in his book, and then said, “Hi.  Who are you?”

“I’m Death. Are you Robert Svenson?” Death said. 

“Rob, yes, that’s me.  So you’re Death.  Andi said you’re pretty cool the first time she visited me,” Rob said.

Oh, of course, Death thought.  This was the friend Andi was visiting.  No wonder he seems familiar.

“I have to be honest,” Rob said, “I was settling in for a long eternity here.  I’d been expecting a bright light, or a tunnel, or, I dunno, the Raiderettes or something, but nothing happened, so I figured I’d get caught up on some of the things I’ve been wanting to read.”

“How long have you been waiting?” Death said.  “And did I see you holding a book?  How did you figure that out?”

“Huh?  Oh, yeah,” Rob said.  “It took me a couple of tries to get the hang of picking up a book, but I figured it out.  I’d guess I’ve been here for a few hours, maybe half a day.  I’d sat waiting for someone to come and get me, but no one did, so I decided I might as well use the time for something.”

Death was impressed.

“Hang on, half a day?” she said.  Her phone had just alerted her to his death, and said it was an immediate collection.  She hoped her phone wasn’t getting behind now.

“Yeah, Andi came and killed me earlier, then wandered off saying something about rescuing people,” Rob said.

He was going to continue talking, but Death interrupted him.

“Hang on, did you say Andi killed you?” Death said.

“Yeah, and she thought I’d be happy about it too.  Then when I wasn’t she left in a huff.  No apology or anything.  Just weird, I didn’t ever think she was like that before.  Man, I guess you never really know who people are going to grow up to be, huh?” Rob said.

Death looked at Rob, and said, “You weren’t supposed to die yet, either.  You were going to live a long life.  Hang on.  She thought you were going to be happy about it?”

“Yeah, she wanted me to help her kill, like, everyone.  She said something about rescuing everybody, and a whole new way.  Andi went off the deep end, I’d say,” Rob said.

“Things are a lot worse than I realized,” Death said, mainly to herself.  She took a breath to say something else to Rob, when her phone rang.  She took it out, looked at it with a slightly puzzled expression, and answered it.

***

Ares was in a bar and was, as usual, spoiling for a fight.  Actually, the place he was in billed itself as a sports pub, whatever the hell that was supposed to be.  The joint looked a little like an Irish pub, in that it had lots of dark wood and a staggering array of beers on tap.  And the menu featured beef stew, along with fish and chips.  However, it also had enormous televisions covering almost every vertical surface, and the waitresses were all wearing “kilts” that were less of a kilt and more of a bikini bottom.  The place must have been able to hold close to five hundred people, and there were at least three hundred people present.

Just about the right number for a good, proper bar brawl.

Ares had been working his way through the pub, visiting the tables, and getting the people sitting at each of them riled up about sports, politics, money, whatever it took.  At the moment, the place was bubbling with tension.  Ares noticed the bartender and the waitresses had all disappeared.  It was just going to take a final irritant to push the crowd into a collective rage, and then the fight would start.

Ares could barely contain his excitement.  He heard a motorcycle rumbling outside, and turned to see if the motorcycle had delivered the final ingredient to make his bar brawl recipe complete.

He was extremely surprised when he saw that, rather than a mean-looking biker, a cute little college-aged girl walked in.  He was extra surprised when he realized that he recognized her, and that she was Death’s apprentice.

He had his phone out and was calling Death to see if she knew that Andi was not in Death’s apartment the way she was supposed to be, but in fact at a bar.  And apparently on a motorcycle.

As soon as Death answered her phone, Ares started talking.

“Death, it’s Ares.  Did you know your little intern just walked into the bar I’m in?  Isn’t she supposed to be…”

Ares trailed off, because suddenly everyone in the bar dropped dead around him.

“God damn it!” Ares shouted, into the phone by accident.  “She just killed everyone!  I’ve been in here for a couple hours working this crowd and she just killed all of them!  What a fucking waste of my time.”

He continued, but Death wasn’t listening.  He didn’t notice the line had gone dead.

Andi had noticed him, however.  A large, muscular man in black leathers who is shouting curses really stands out in a bar full of people, all of whom are dead except for him.

“Shit,” she muttered, and hurried outside.

***

Death had hung up the phone as soon as Ares had said Andi was in the same bar he was in.  She looked at Rob, and decided that he might be useful to have along.

“Andi has been spotted.  I need to go stop her.  Are you going to come with?”  Death said.

Rob considered it for about half a second before deciding that tagging along with Death to catch the woman who had killed him sounded a lot better than re-reading The Illiad.

“I’m in,” he said.

Just then, Death’s phone started going off in her pocket, again.  She didn’t even bother to look at it this time, she knew what had happened.

She grabbed Rob’s hand and said, “Let’s go.”

***

Ares was still standing in the middle of the bar shouting about what a god damned inconvenience Andi had caused him when Death and Rob arrived.  Death took a look around at the room full of irritated souls, but didn’t see Andi.

She did see the bright daylight streaming through the exit door as it closed, however.  Death sprinted through the bar, threw the door open, and stormed outside.  In the bright daylight, she saw Andi looking back at her, frantically trying to get on the bike and get the kickstand up.  Death was on her in a fraction of a second, holding Andi firmly by the hair.

Distracted by the pain, Andi let go of the handlebars to try and pull Death’s hand out of her hair.  She tried to step away, but Death held fast.

Trying to step away had, however, gotten Andi far enough off of Death’s bike that it fell over on to its side, making a racket that made Death’s heart sink.

She pulled sharply up on Andi’s hair, lifting her off the ground until her feet dangled in the air.

“I was upset with you before,” Death said, “but now I am really, really pissed off.”

Death noticed Ares and Rob watching out of the corner of her eye, but paid them no mind.  She stepped out of the world, and held Andi up off her feet until the gateway appeared.  Andi kicked and thrashed and protested, but it really had no effect.

“You know,” Death said, “I’m not really one for the cruel, divine punishments.  I’ve never cursed someone to an eternity of pushing a boulder up a hill just to watch it tumble back down again.  That kind of thing isn’t my style.”

The gateway appeared and opened before them then.

“It’s not my style,” Death said, “but you have pissed off a lot of other gods, and some of them aren’t quite as nice as me.”

Andi had still been thrashing and protesting, but suddenly got very quiet. 

“What’s going to happen to me?” she said.

Death smiled her gentle smile, and said, “I really couldn’t say.”

She threw Andi through the open door.  It shut quickly behind her, and Death stood alone in the dark. 

She thought quietly for a moment, then seemed to come to a conclusion, and smiled.

“I want a steak, and French fries,” Death said. “And a beer.”

She stepped back into the world, and saw that Ares and Rob had righted her bike again.  They appeared to be examining the side it fell on, and were pointing at it now and then.

“Hey Death,” Ares said.  He looked concerned.  “Well, the good news is that your bike didn’t get beat up too badly.  You can see a few scratches here and there.  I bet Hep can fix that up for you, no problem.”

Death smiled, and said, “Excuse me a minute, I have to get all of the former patrons of this bar to the other side.  Stick around for a few, will you, both of you?”

Ares and Rob looked at each other.  Ares said, “Sure, no sweat.”

Death gathered the souls inside, who were still pretty pissed off about everything they had been pissed off about before they’d died, and brought them to the gateway.  When she was done with that, she went back to where Ares and Rob were. 

She checked her phone, and was absolutely thrilled to discover that she had an hour and a half until her next collection.  She wasn’t sure how that could have happened, but decided not to think about it too hard and just enjoy it instead.

“So, Rob, sorry to say it, but I can’t really do much to help you.  But, I’m impressed that you’ve figured out how to interact with the physical world again so quickly.  You know, there’s a lot of other cool stuff I could teach you.  Because of Andi’s little stunts there are a bunch of souls out there that still need to be found and delivered, and I can’t do that and keep up with my regular, scheduled work. Want to tag along for a while and help me out?” Death said.

Rob didn’t even think about it before saying, “Sure, that sounds great.  When do we get started?”

“Soon,” Death said.  She turned to Ares.

“I think you offered to buy me dinner,” she said, and smiled.

The End.

Final word count: 50,498! I've had comments disabled for the month, but if you would like to, you can leave a comment below.  Thanks for reading along!

Chapter Twenty Four

Two new chapters posted today!  Click here to go back to Chapter Twenty Three, or you can go to the Table of Contents to start where you left off.

---

Andi was discovering that although she admired Death’s concern and care in crafting individual passings in the same way that she might admire, for example, a beautifully hand-built piece of furniture, mass-production was the way to go when it came to liberating souls.

Especially since it seemed she didn’t even have to really do that much more work to free several thousand people compared to one or two.  Honestly, she wondered why Death was stressing so much and not just getting a sandwich now and then.  This was a piece of cake.

After the stadium, she’d had to think a little bit about where to go next.  She knew she didn’t want to be predictable.  If she just went from stadium to stadium, east to west, she figured there was a good chance Death would figure it out pretty quick and just be waiting for her at the next stadium. 

She’d thought about the time she’d been in Florida and saw a cruise ship tied up, with the never ending stream of passengers coming out.

Moments later she had her bike parked on the top deck of the Caribbean Queen IV.  And not too much longer after that, the Caribbean Queen IV became a ghost ship.  Within seconds, the souls were milling about.  Again, there were varied reactions.  Many of the passengers weren’t too terribly upset at the realization that the afterlife was a cruise ship, however, most of the crew were extremely distressed by this realization.

Andi didn’t linger to see the reactions, though.  She suspected Death would be along soon, and she was going to have to stay ahead of her.  She kicked the bike into gear, and tore down the shuffleboard court, vanishing just as she reached the edge of the deck.

She reappeared and rolled the motorcycle to a gradual stop, just outside Rob’s apartment.  At first, she wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing there.  Then she realized that she wanted a partner to help her with her mission.  A friend.  And she was fairly sure that Rob would be willing to join her.

Andi shut down the motor, put down the kickstand, and walked into Rob’s building.

When she got in to Rob’s apartment, she found him watching TV.  A perfectly coiffed news anchor was reporting that officials still had absolutely no idea what had happened at the stadium to kill thirty thousand people, but that there was no reason to panic.

“Hey Rob,” Andi said.

Rob jumped, spilling his drink and cursing. 

“What the?” Rob said.  “Oh.  Hey, Andi.  I was starting to think I’d just dreamed your last visit.  I was thinking it was just stress or something.”

“No, you didn’t dream it,” Andi said.  “How are you?  Did you graduate yet?”

“Not yet, I’ve got my last final exam tomorrow,” Rob said.  “How are you?  What happened last time you visited?  You just vanished.”

“I’m great.  Yeah, sorry about that, just one of those things,” Andi said, and trailed off.  “Look, uh, what are you planning to do after you graduate?”

Rob looked at Andi a little funny, but he said, “Well, probably get a job of some sort, find a girl, settle down, have a bunch of kids.  You know, the usual.”

“Right,” Andi said.

She thought for a moment.  She wanted Rob to help her out.  In order to do that, he was going to have to 

die.  She hadn’t had to kill anyone she knew yet.  She felt a little funny about it.  Kind of like it was wrong.

Her doubt cleared away, however, when she remembered that she was rescuing Rob.  And then she’d get to have her friend with her, helping her out as she freed the rest of the world.  It would be the two of them, bringing a new dawn.

Andi smiled, and touched Rob’s shoulder.

“I think I’ve got something much better than that for you,” Andi said.

Seconds later, Rob’s soul was there with her.  He looked down at his body, and then at Andi.  His mouth was working, jaw twitching a bit, as he began to understand his situation and then tried to find the words to express what he was thinking.

“What the fuck? It was my time to go already?  What the hell did I die of?  So far as I know, I was perfectly healthy,” Rob said.  He was starting to get a little red in the face.

“No, it wasn’t ‘your time’, I just released you.  For good behavior,” Andi said, and smiled.

“Released me for good behavior?  Is this just a joke to you?” Rob said. 

He sounded pretty pissed off.  Andi hadn’t been expecting that, she’d been expecting her friend Rob, who had been game for just about every sort of mischief she’d been able to dream up, back when she was still alive, to be excited for another big fun idea.

“What?” Andi said. “No, it’s not a joke.  I want your help, Rob.”

“My help for what, exactly?” Rob said.  “Aren’t you supposed to be helping Death, anyway?  Shouldn’t Death be here asking me to help her out?  Since when do interns get assistants?”

Andi really hadn’t been expecting this.  Then she remembered what Death had said about everyone reacting differently to their passing, and that she should try to be comforting and understanding.  Rob needed to feel rescued.

“Look, Rob, I’ve freed you.  I’d like you to come with and help me.  I’m not working for Death any more, I’ve gone out on my own.  She was too old-fashioned and didn’t understand the importance of efficiency.  There are so many people in the world, Rob, and she’s going around collecting them all one or two at a time.  That’s old world thinking,” Andi said.

Rob was starting to look a little - well, actually, a lot - freaked out now.  He was looking at Andi as if he’d never seen her before.

“You’ve freed me?  One death at a time is old world thinking?  What the hell are you talking about Andi?” Rob said.

“I’m talking about a whole new way, Rob.  I’m talking about freeing everyone, rescuing the entire world,” Andi said.  “I’m talking about making the world a better place.”

“By making everyone dead?” Rob said.  He sounded utterly revolted by the idea.  Then his expression changed, as he thought.

“Wait a minute,” Rob said.  “Wait a minute.  Were you responsible for this?”

He gestured towards the television, which was showing footage of the crews working to clear out the stadium.  The anchor was repeating that there was no word on what the cause of all the deaths had been.

Andi smiled, and said, “Yeah, that was me.  See, my job is rescuing people…”

Rob interrupted her.  “You killed thirty thousand people because you think you’re rescuing them?  Can you hear yourself?  That’s just insanity.  What happened to you Andi?”

This wasn’t going how Andi expected at all.  Rob was supposed to say, “Wow, cool!  OK, I’ll help you out,” not start questioning her motives and sanity.  It was kind of disturbing.  And annoying.  She was inviting him on a grand adventure, and he was insulting her offer.

“Fine,” Andi said.  “If you don’t want to be a part of this, you don’t have to be.  I don’t need you anyway.”

“Well, good god damned thing, because I want absolutely no part of this.  You need to stop, Andi, before you make things even worse,” Rob said.

Andi was already walking out of Rob’s apartment.  She couldn’t believe her best friend had turned his back on her.  But, if she had to work alone, then so be it.  In time, people would appreciate her vision.  Maybe they didn’t understand now, but they would. 

“I’m not stopping,” she said.

Chapter Twenty Three

The trouble, for Death, with collecting thirty thousand souls at once, isn’t that she can’t bring them all to the other side at once.  The problem is wrangling all of them.  It’s difficult enough getting a group of forty people to all do the same thing at the same time.  Just as in life, without someone explaining what is expected of them, souls have a tendency to just wander off to do their own thing.

And when there are thirty thousand of them, a whole bunch of them can wander off to do their own things.

Death had, of course, done massive collections in the past.  The difference was that those had been planned.  She’d had a strategy for dealing with the sudden mass of freshly dead folk. 

This collection was unplanned, though.  Her phone had been beeping almost constantly.  She had, in fact, just turned the volume down all the way so it wouldn’t keep bothering her.  The last thing she needed at the moment was an extra annoyance.

Death had been trying to wrap her head around how to get all of these people somewhat organized and crossed over, and then how to track down as many of the souls that had wandered off as possible, when another problem occurred to her.  She had other collections, scheduled ones, which still needed to be made.

Ares had said something that had Death a little worried.  He’d asked her how Andi could be trusted to stay in her apartment.  At the moment, she was hopping very much that Andi was exactly where she’d left her, because she was going to need some help collecting all of these souls and keeping up with the regularly scheduled collections.

The souls still in the stadium would have to wait a little longer, and the ones that had wandered off would have to be dealt with when Death could get around to it.  She had to go and get Andi and put her to work.

As long as she hadn’t run off to play with her friend again.

Death took a deep breath and travelled to her apartment.

“Andi?” Death said.  “Hey, are you here?  There’s a situation I need help with.”

There was no reply.  Death furrowed her brow, and took a quick walk through her apartment on the off chance Andi was in another room.  Of course, she wasn’t.

When Death got back to the living room again, she noticed something a bit off about the desk.  It took her a second to figure out what was different, but then she saw it: Andi’s clipboard and stopwatch were on the desk.

“Oh, shit,” Death said.

One more soul she was going to have to try and track down. 

Death noticed the little bell on her desk was silent.  She took her phone out, and noticed it had stopped scrolling alerts as well. 

OK, things were definitely going to be hectic, but at least they were settling down.  Death turned the volume up on her phone again, and went back to the stadium to deal with that mess.

She wondered where Andi might have gotten off to.  She worried for a moment that perhaps Andi had stolen her motorcycle, but then dismissed the idea as paranoia.  Andi had shown bad judgement a few times, but she hadn’t done anything before that would suggest she was the one who had stolen Death’s motorcycle.

Death went back to the stadium.  It didn’t seem like too many of the souls had left, the place was still chock full of them.  There were also ambulances, EMTs and police present.  They didn’t seem to be doing much.  The EMTs couldn’t really do anything, and there wasn’t any obvious disorder, or any evidence at all of what had happened for the police to deal with.

Death called out to the souls, “Would everyone please gather on the field?  I’ll get you out of here and on your way as soon as possible.”

As the souls made their way down to the field, Death thought a little more about Andi’s departure.  She felt betrayed and angry.  Andi was supposed to have been at the apartment, planning deaths.  Death really could have used some help at the moment, and instead had discovered that her intern had up and quit. 

The field in the stadium was filling with souls, so Death hurried down and started bringing groups over to the other side.  Her phone beeped once, alerting her to another collection.  She felt a little pang of anxiety as she realized she wasn’t going to be able to go and handle the collection.  She really could have used a hand.  As it was, she was going to have to hope that the soul that was due now wouldn’t wander too far.

It took quite a while, but Death steadily made her way through the entire group, at least the ones that were still there, bringing them over.  When, at last, she was in the stadium by herself, she tried to figure out her next step.  Did she track down the ones who had gone elsewhere?  Did she go and collect the people who had been scheduled to be collected? 

She was going to be scrambling for a while to keep up, anyway.  And then, if she ever had a spare moment again, she was going to have to try to find her bike too.

Death decided that the souls who had been scheduled to be collected would take priority over the ones who were out wandering now.  At least with the scheduled collections, she would have a bit of an idea of where they might be.               

She checked her phone.  Incredibly enough, it looked like she had only missed three scheduled collections, and they’d been fairly close together.  There was a chance they’d still be hanging around where she was supposed to collect them.

Death traveled to the first address listed in her alerts.  She was about an hour late.

She arrived at a nice little house outside of Seattle.  It was modest but tastefully decorated, and well kept-up.  Matthew Braaten, fifty seven, was in the living room, pacing around and working himself into an ever-increasing freak out.

“I just don’t believe this,” Matthew said to himself as he was pacing, “I spent the last five years in this house alone and mostly lonely, and now I have to spend the afterlife here too?  It’s just not fair.”

Well, that’s probably not good, Death thought.  But at least he’s here and not out wandering somewhere.

Matthew hadn’t noticed Death yet, he was still pacing around, getting more and more worked up, apparently.

“Matthew Braaten?” Death said.

Matthew spun around quickly to face Death.

“Who the fuck are you?  How did you get in here?” Matthew said.  He spoke quickly, and sounded extremely suspicious of Death.

Death smiled kindly and said, “I am Death, I’ve come to collect you.  I can go where ever I need to go, that’s how I got in here.”

“So, what, you just come around whenever you feel like it?    You leave me here wondering if I’m going to spend eternity in this house and then just show up and tell me you can go wherever you want, is that how it works?”

Death did her best to maintain her patience.  Matthew did have a good reason to be upset, after all. 

“I can go where I need to go, I didn’t say I show up when and where I want to,” Death said.  “Anyway, I’ve come to collect you and bring you out of this world and into the next.  Would you come with me?”

“Have you got some other pressing matters to attend to?  You don’t want to, oh, I don’t know, stick around here for a cup of tea?  You just show up and expect me to come with you?” Matthew said.

“Well, I’m sorry you’re upset.  I have no doubt you’re feeling a little freaked out from having to wait, but I assure you I didn’t mean to leave you here for so long,” Death said.

She was starting to think about the other two collections that were waiting for her to come and get them.  She hoped they’d be in slightly better moods than Matthew.  She understood he was simply reacting to the situation he’d found himself in, but she wished he could be a little more stoic about it, and a little less of a sarcastic asshole.

“You’re sorry I’m upset?  Oh, man.  You know what?  You can go ahead and fuck right off.  I think you need to leave now, to be honest,” Matthew said.

“Did you just tell me to fuck off?” Death said.  She went from being slightly impatient to very ticked off, quickly.  “OK, then.  I tried to be nice about this, but I’ve had just a spectacularly shitty day, and you’re going to come with me the easy way or the hard way.  Your pick.”

“You’ve had a shitty day?” Matthew said.  “You have had a shitty day?”

Matthew had bad timing in addition to not knowing who he should vent his annoyance upon.  As he started in on how Death didn’t have any idea what a shitty day way, her phone started to beep at her, a lot.  Again.

Death took her phone out, and was dismayed to see another scrolling list of “Immediate” collections.  She lost her patience with Matthew.

“OK, I tried,” Death said.  She grabbed Matthew’s nose, hard, and pulled him to the other side with her.

“Ow!  Led go!” Matthew said. 

“Nope,” Death said.  “I gave you the option to do this the easy way, and you decided not to.”

The gateway appeared, and Death gave Matthew a healthy shove into the brilliant light pouring out.  Her aim had been a little off, perhaps because she was distracted by her phone that sounded like it was never going to stop beeping again, and Matthew bounced off the frame of the gateway.

He groaned and staggered back.  Death caught him by the upper arm.

“Oops,” Death said.  “Well, let’s try that again.”

She pushed him in the right direction again, and this time he made it.  The gateway closed quickly once he was through, and Death hustled back to try and figure out what to do about this new emergency.

The first thing she did when she got back was turn on Matthew’s television and look for news of another disaster of some sort.  There wasn’t anything obvious yet, apart from the usual blood and gore on the news.  That stuff was all pretty isolated, and things she had either already handled, or that were someone else’s problem to deal with.

Her phone had stopped beeping relatively quickly, compared to the racket caused by the stadium catastrophe, so she took it out to see what the deal was.

All of the deaths were at sea.  They were on a cruise liner, about two thousand five hundred people.

Death wondered who was screwing with her now, and again wished that she had some help dealing with the situation.

The upside, she supposed, to the catastrophe being on a cruise liner out in the middle of the ocean was that there would be significantly less temptation for the souls to wander away.  It would take most of them quite a while before they would realize that the ocean didn’t hold any dangers for them now that they were already dead.

Thank goodness for small favors, Death thought.

Chapter Twenty Two

Photo by Wystan

Ares sat in his favorite comfy chair, reading Soldier of Fortune magazine and laughing hysterically.  He always loved reading obvious mall cop’s ideas about how best to do battle.  He loved the pictures of so called assault rifles, loaded down with so many accessories they would make Rambo shake his head in embarrassment for the poor sap caught carrying it.

Ares was all for overwhelming and unrelenting force, and he owned an impressive collection of exotic weapons.  The difference was that his collection was made up of weapons which were all effective,   he knew damn well how to use them, and he knew that he could and would use them.  In a heartbeat, without thinking twice.

If he was feeling honest, he would tell you he’d usually use them without even thinking once.

When his phone rang, he was a little disappointed he had to put the funny magazine down, but he did, and composed himself before answering.

The voice on the other end said, “Ares, this is Death.  Can you come here?”

Ares’s mood suddenly got even better.

“You’ve got it.  Where is here?” Ares said.

“I’m in front of a little coffee shop called the Bump & Grind, in…” Death said, but Ares interrupted her.

“Oh, wow, cool.  Have you met the owner of that shop?  She is OK, mostly,” Ares said.

“Um.  I guess I haven’t met her yet,” Death said.  “So could you come here?”

“On my way,” Ares said.

Seconds later, Ares appeared on the sidewalk next to Death.  It was dark outside, and the two of them stood in the shadows outside the Bump & Grind, unnoticed.  Inside, the owner and one of the employees were putting the chairs up on top of the tables, and taking care of the other final details for the day before closing up shop.

“Hey Death!  Are you ready for that dinner?” Ares said, by way of greeting.

There was a long pause, and then Death said, “No.  My bike is gone.”

This time it was Ares’s turn to pause and think.

What he said, when he spoke again, was, “Oh, shit.  Hep is going to be pissed off.”

“What does Hep have to do with this?” Death said, a little exasperated.

“Hep gets a little irritated when things he’s built have gone missing.  You know he built that bike for me.  Actually, it was in trade for Achilles’s armor.  If you want to get him ranting sometime, ask him about Achilles.  Anyway, he wanted the armor back.  It had been missing for a couple thousand years, you know,” Ares said.

“Well, that sucks for Hep, but it doesn’t solve my immediate problem, which is that my motorcycle has gone missing.  I’m calling you in hopes that you might have some idea where to start looking,” Death said.

“Why would I know where to start looking?  That’s kind of a stretch,” Ares said.

“Because it was your bike first.  Because there are a lot more people who are annoyed with you than there are annoyed with me.  And because you’re in touch with all of the old crowd.  I barely have time to send anyone an occasional post card.   They can keep their eyes peeled, and one of them might have heard something,” Death said.

“Oh, well, I guess that makes sense,” Ares said.  “OK, well, I can start asking around a bit and see if anyone has heard anything.”

“That’d be great,” Death said.

“Any chance I can buy you dinner, since we’re here?” Ares said.

“No,” Death said.

“OK.  The offer stands, anyway,” Ares said.  “Say, where’s that little intern that has been following you around?”

Death hadn’t been expecting to be asked that question, and she answered before she had a chance to stop herself.

“She’s back at my apartment.  I left her there while I try and figure out what to do with her, since she had to go and visit an old friend of hers.  One that knew damn well that she’s been dead for two years.  I’m having a hard time trusting her at the moment.  I can’t have her out advertising the job we do, and I don’t care to keep accompanying her to every collection to make sure she’s doing what she’s supposed to be doing, so I’ve got her back at my place planning deaths,” Death said.

“Wow.  So you got her under lock and key, huh?” Ares said.

A little light flickered on in Death’s mind.  There was something there, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“No, she’s not confined, she’s just on time out,” Death said.

“Yeah, I suppose it’s harder to deal with someone after their already dead,” Ares said.  “I’d have asked why you hadn’t just killed her, otherwise.  Actually, I have to ask, what makes you think she can be trusted to stay in your apartment?”

The owner of the coffee shop and the employee came out a door close to Death and Ares then, talking seriously, in subdued tones, as the owner locked up. 

“All those people, I just can’t believe it,” the owner said.

“I can’t either.  And I just can’t believe that they don’t have any idea what killed them,” the employee said.

Death’s ears perked up, and she turned around to listen.  “All those people”?  “Killed”?

Ares had turned to listen as well.  By chance, the owner of the shop glanced in his direction, and away again.  Then slowly back to look at him again.  She clearly recognized him.  Several expressions crossed her face, none of them friendly or welcoming.

Ares waved at her and said in a friendly voice, “Hey Tamara.”

“What the hell are you doing here?  I moved away from California to get away from you and your freaky roommate, and I still don’t want anything to do with you, Ares,” Tamara said.

“Whoa, jeez, Tamara, I just said hello,” Ares said.  “Lighten up a little bit.”

“Is everything OK?” her employee said.  She looked extremely uncomfortable, but also ready to jump in and help out, if needed.

“Stay here, please.  Keep your phone ready in case you need to call the police,” Tamara said.  Then, to Ares, she said, “Go away, and don’t come back.”

“What’s the scoop here, boss?” her employee said.

“This guy and his roommate are mixed up in some kind of crazy shit, and they dragged me into it.  I don’t know if it was part of some weird plan to pick me up or what, but I don’t want anything to do with either of them.  Somehow I’m not really surprised it’s this one that showed up again, though.”

Death was a little curious about what the story was there between Ares and Tamara, but she was far more concerned about what the two of them had said about what sounded like a whole bunch of people, killed.  Tamara and her employee hadn’t noticed Death yet.

Death made herself noticeable then.

Tamara jumped back when she saw Death, and her employee followed suit.

“Where the hell did you come from?” Tamara said.  She was holding her keys out in front of her, defensively.

Death said, “Relax, I’ve been here the whole time.  You must just not have noticed me.  Ares was just leaving - weren’t you Ares? – and he’s here because I asked him to meet me here.  It’s just a coincidence.  Say, uh, what were you talking about when you came outside?  Has there been some kind of disaster?”

Tamara looked at Death suspiciously.  She said, “You mean you haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?” Death said.  She was getting more concerned by the second.

“An entire stadium full of people just died.  There’s no explanation.  No one knows if it was a terrorist thing or what,” Tamara said.  “How did you miss it?  It’s on every radio station, and every channel on TV.”

Death was going to ask Tamara another question, but her phone starting beeping at her.  Constantly.  She pulled it out, and the screen read

IMMEDIATE
IMMEDIATE
IMMEDIATE
IMMEDIATE

Every time the phone beeped, another “IMMEDIATE” appeared on the screen.  The phone did not stop beeping.

“Oh shit,” Death said.

***

Thirty thousand people had been in the stadium.  Well, technically speaking, the thirty thousand people were still in the stadium.  The difference was that they were all dead now.  And so, there were thirty thousand souls, milling about in various states of confusion, grief, relief, annoyance, anger and every other possible reaction.  All of them were baffled as to how they could all have died at the same time, without there being some kind of obvious wreckage or other sign of things gone wrong. 

Some of the souls had gathered in little groups, here and then, conversing.   The subjects of discussion were not limited to the obvious issue either.  In the way people do, lots of the souls were discussing anything but the fact that they had all just died.  A shocking number of them were discussing the weather.  A few of the more bold souls were discussing the game they had been watching, and which team would have won if they hadn’t been, uh, interrupted.  And, of course, a few here and there were loudly demanding to know what the hell had just happened.

Anyone still alive and in that place would have been haunted by how silent the stadium was.  However, those who could see the dead would not at all be surprised by the cacophony of 30,000 voices.  To the dead, it still sounded like they were in a stadium.

Which is why none of them heard the motorcycle rumbling at idle, or noticed the young woman astride the motorcycle, parked on the top of the outer wall of the stadium, looking down on them.

Andi looked down on the stadium full of souls, feeling the motorcycle as it rumbled and shook beneath her.  She looked down upon what she had wrought, and felt proud.  Powerful.

“I am become Death,” Andi murmured to herself.  Andi the Destroyer of Worlds.

No, she thought. Andi the revolutionary.  Andi the Liberator.

If anyone had been looking, they would have seen Andi smile.  She kicked the bike into first gear, and roared away, vanishing before she reached the end of the wall.

Chapter Twenty One

Photo by Terence S. Jones

Death had been annoyed with Andi a couple of times since she’d allowed her to tag along and learn the trade.  She’d even been angry once or twice, when Andi’s mistakes could have, or did, have some serious consequences

At the moment, she was livid.  She felt like Andi had betrayed her trust the very moment she’d decided to try again.  What Andi was supposed to have done was made the collection, and then not go visit her old chum.

And the part about visiting an old chum really got Death torqued off. 

The thing was, they were supposed to be moving in the background.  They were supposed to be unseen, unnoticed, intangible, quietly going about their business and keeping the world moving.

They were not supposed to be visiting old friends who were likely to turn around and sell a book about “My Old Friend: The Grim Reaper.” If people started looking for Death, and Andi, their job was going to get a lot more difficult.  It’s easy to be unnoticed when people aren’t looking for you in the first place.

At the moment, the two of them were outside of the Bump and Grind.  Inside, the owner and one of her employees were trying to wind down for the evening.  Death’s motorcycle was parked at the curb.

“So,” Death said, when she had calmed down enough that she could speak, “what, exactly, were you thinking when you decided that going to visit a friend who is still alive was a good idea?”

Andi realized she was in incredibly deep trouble at the moment, so she thought carefully before answering.  She considered telling Death some kind of lie, that she’d needed to finish some kind of business with Rob.  She considered getting defensive and saying that she didn’t see what the big deal was.

What she finally decided on, however, was the simple truth.

“I just wanted to see my old friend.  I miss him,” Andi said.

Death pressed her lips together and didn’t speak.

One the one hand, she was grateful to Andi for at least being honest with her.  She could tell Andi wasn’t lying, and also that she didn’t realize how much she had screwed up.  On the other hand, she didn’t like it that her intern might be the one to confirm that there is life after death, thereby making everything significantly more complicated for Death.  And she was worried that if Andi had decided to go and visit her friend once, she might decide to do it again, or go visit others as well.

She thought carefully before speaking again.

“I don’t think you understand how big of a mistake that was,” Death said.

Andi felt her heart plummet into her feet.  She was certain she was about to get fired.

“Look,” Death said, “the deal is, people can’t know about us in more than a vague sort of way.  It’s fine for there to be myths about the grim reaper, coming for everyone at the moment of their death.  It’s not fine for people to actually be expecting us.  Think about this for a second: would you really want to deal with everyone present – the person dying, the other people present, the doctors, the family, random concerned citizens – to drop what they’re doing to plead with you for that person’s life?  Or looking at it as some kind of morbid opportunity for righting past wrongs?  We need to be secret.”

She continued, “Visiting your friend once may not be that big of a deal.  There have been crazy people claiming they’ve seen me about my business for millennia, and no one has taken notice.  But if you’ve told him that you’re in training to act as death, and that, actually, I’m not all that bad once you get to know me, and then go back sometime in the future and tell him more, that’s a problem.  And if you start visiting other people, and the temptation is already there, I know, and telling them what you’ve been up to, they’re going to start to put things together.”

“Now, maybe not everyone will buy in to their story.  But enough could to dramatically change the world works.  I don’t really want people getting organized and worshipping me, or trying to stop me,” Death said. “And that’s a real risk if enough people catch wise.”

Andi was looking for an opportunity to apologize and tell Death that she hadn’t realized what she’d done, and that it wouldn’t happen.  She was surprised, then, by what Death said next.

“I’m not sure I can trust you to do this job, Andi,” Death said.  “I think I’m going to have to send you to my apartment for a while, until I can figure out what we can do, if there is anything we can do, about this.”

“Come on,” Death said, and held her hand out too Andi.

“Don’t I get to say anything about this?” Andi said.

“Not right now,” Death said.  “I don’t know what you could possibly say to make it all OK at the moment.  We’ll talk about it again.  In the meantime, you’re going to have to sit things out for a little bit while I decide how to move forward from here.”

Andi made a displeased face, but she took Death’s hand.  “Let’s go,” she said.

In the blink of an eye, they were inside Death’s apartment.  Nothing had changed since Andi had last been in there, but then, it was incredibly likely that she had been the last person in there.

“I want you to stay here for now,” Death said.  “I’m not sure what to do yet.  I’ve taught you too much to have you just cross over.  And I doubt you want to spend the next millennia as an immortal pizza delivery girl.  For now, I’d like you to stay here and come up with plans.  Maybe we can get a little bit ahead, even.”

Her phone rang then.

“Damn it,” Death muttered as she dug her phone out of her cloak to see what needed to be done now.

“I need to go, of course,” Death said.  “Stay here, be good.  I’ll be back soon.”

With that, Death disappeared and Andi was alone in Death’s apartment again.  She looked at the desk, thought about trying to plan out some deaths, then sat down on the couch instead.  If she was on time out, then she was going to relax.

She stuck her tongue out at the desk, in her defiance.  Andi had the strangest feeling that the desk was looking at her with reproach.

See, Death talks about rescuing and releasing and comforting, but then she locks me up here in her apartment, Andi thought.  Ugh, all that effort learning how to do this stuff, and I’m just going to end up being a secretary and a go-fer for the rest of time. It figures.

She stretched out a bit on the sofa, and heaved a sigh. 

What do I do when I need to be rescued from the rescuer? Andi thought  

She had another thought then.  If all of these people needed to be rescued and released from life, why were they doing the job all onesy twosey?  Why not rescue everyone all at once?

In fact, it seemed kind of cruel to leave people suffering their way through life only to rescue them in what might turn out to be an unfair, unpleasant way.

And she had another thought. 

What, exactly, was keeping her in Death’s apartment?

Andi sat forward a bit.  There was probably nothing keeping her in Death’s apartment.  She could travel just as easily as Death could.  So far as she knew, there wasn’t anything that could force her to stay put.  All she had to do was leave.

She thought about it some more, and remembered that Death would be able to catch up with her pretty quickly.  And what’s more, Death could catch up with her without being noticed until she was already, well, caught.  She settled back into the couch.

Unless I can move keep moving faster than her, Andi thought.

But how could she do that?  What is faster than moving by thought and willpower?

Thought, willpower, and a motorcycle.

Could she do it?  Could she keep ahead of Death, release everyone, and not get caught?

I could if I didn’t bring people to cross over. 

Andi felt a brief pang of conscience then, remembering what Death had said about the slow descent into madness and eternities of suffering for souls that didn’t cross over.

And then she remembered that what seemed to drive people nuts was loneliness and watching everything they loved rot away and change.  But if everyone was a ghost, that wouldn’t be a problem

It would be a kindness.

That made the decision easy.  Andi tossed her clipboard and stopwatch on the desk, and stepped out of Death’s apartment.

If someone had noticed her, which they hadn’t, they would have seen Andi appear in front of the Bump and Grind, next to Death’s motorcycle

The bike sat, low, long, gleaming, beckoning her to take it.

Andi grabbed the handlebars, swung a leg over the saddle, stood the bike up, raised the kickstand, and pressed the starter.

The engine roared to life as it always did, only this time Andi could feel the vibration of the motor thrumming through the handlebars and up her arms.  It made her feel invincible.  No, unstoppable.

Andi shifted the bike into first gear, whacked the throttle open, and roared away from the curb.  If someone had been watching, they would have seen her and the bike vanish maybe two hundred feet further down the road.

***

After Death had brought the last collection to the gateway, she crossed back over into this world.  She had ten minutes until the next collection, and her plan was to go and get her motorcycle, then ride for as long as she could manage and think about what to do next when it came to the Andi situation.

Moments later, Death appeared, unnoticed, in front of the Bump and Grind right where she’d left her bike.

Only her bike wasn’t there.

Death was puzzled for a moment.  Had she forgotten where she’d left her bike?  She couldn’t imagine that she had.  She’d never had any trouble remembering exactly where the bike was before.

Slowly, slowly, a sickening realization washed over her.  The bike wasn’t where she’d left it because someone had stolen her motorcycle.

For a moment, she wasn’t exactly sure what she should do.  No mortal had stolen her motorcycle, they wouldn’t even know it was there to steal.  She tried to think if there were any gods she knew of that were pissed off at her. 

Eris had a problem with Death, because she was jealous Ares had had a crush on Death and not her, but she usually contented herself with tormenting Ares.  Although, Ares had given Death the bike, it was possible…

Death took out her phone and did something with it she had only done a very, very few times before.  She made a phone call.

Chapter Twenty

Photo by a2gemma

It had been a couple of weeks since the incident with Ares at the pub.  Andi was proving herself to be a reliable and competent intern, and Death had started giving her a little more responsibility again.

At the moment, both of them were having a cup of coffee, outside of a large coffee chain.  It wasn’t the kind of place that would be Death’s first pick, but it had been conveniently next to the location of the immediately previous collection, so it was the obvious choice.

The two of them had been quietly drinking their coffee together when Death’s phone rang.  Another immediate collection.  Damn it, and she’d just gotten some coffee too.  Death decided she was bringing the coffee with her, she wasn’t about to miss out of her coffee because of someone else’s bad choices.

The only problem was that the next scheduled collection was in just a few minutes.  She was doing to have to deal with both of these problems.  Then it occurred to her that the solution was already sitting right next to her, also drinking coffee.

Death turned to her, and said, “Another immediate collection.  I’ll deal with this one, but I’m going to need you to go and handle Ms. Ferguson in two minutes.  Is that cool?”

Andi perked up a bit.  Getting to run a collection entirely unescorted was going to be a new experience, and it meant that deat was beginning to trust her again.

“Sure,” Andi said.  “I can do that.”

“Great,” Death said.  She gave Andi the important details that weren’t already on Andi’s checklist, wished her luck, and vanished.

Andi was little bit surprised at how little fanfare had been involved in sending her off to handle a collection, alone.  She checked the time, finished her coffee and set off to collect Ms. Ferguson.

Violet Ferguson, eighty four, had been the secretary for an elementary school until she’d retired nine years earlier.  Since then, she’d spent her time making and selling vulgar cross-stitch pieces at craft shows.  At the moment, she was working on one that said “Fuck this bullshit, I’m getting drunk.”

When Andi arrived, it took her a moment to notice that all of the stereotypical old lady decorations had a peculiar bent to them.  She was mildly shocked when she realized that all of the pieces she would have expected to say things like “Home Sweet Home” or “Kindness, Laughter and Friendship are always welcome here” were short on saccharine sentiments and long on profanity.

Andi decided she kind of liked this Violet Ferguson.

She checked her notes, and started counting down until Violet Ferguson’s final moments.  There wasn’t a great deal to do, since Violet was going to simply have a stroke and quietly die right there in her chair.

At the appointed time, Violet’s eyes rolled, she dropped the embroidery she’d been working on, and slumped back in her chair, dead.

“Well, shit, I liked that one, too,” Violet’s soul said.

“I’m sorry,” Andi said.  “It was simply your time.  Would you come along with me, Violet?”

Andi held her hand out to Violet.

Violet looked at her and said, “I thought for sure you’d be older, skinnier, and wearing a black cloak.  That’s how you looked last time, anyway.”

Andi was too surprised to say anything.  None of the souls she’d been around to collect had said anything along those lines to her before.

“Last time?” Andi said.

“Ouch.  Well, I guess you see enough people in the course of your work that you wouldn’t remember me.  I died on the operating room table, twice, before I managed to stay in my body.  I met you then, though you looked different.”

Of course, Andi thought, she’s had a near-death experience.  She’d know what Death looks like if she’d been paying attention.

“You must have met Death,” Andi said.  “She’s my boss.  I’m Andi, nice to meet you.”

“Andi huh? Are there are lot of you grim reaper types running around?” Violet said.

Andi hesitated a bit, then said, ‘So far as I know, there is just the two of us.  Death says there are others, but I have yet to see any of them.”

Violent nodded, “I guess I’m not surprised.  There are lots of people out there, and all of them are going to die eventually.  Seems like a lot to handle for one person.”

She looked around at the room they were in, looked down at her body, and said, “OK, I guess I’m ready to go.”

Andi offered Violet her hand, and Violet took it.  The two of them stepped out of the world.

When Andi was finished escorting Violet, she realized that she really had no idea when Death would be back.  She might have a few minutes to herself, which was a luxury she hadn’t had in quite a while.

Andi thought for a couple of seconds about what she might do, and then she decided on something.  She would go and visit Rob.  With that decision, she focused on Rob, and stepped away.

Rob was sitting at his desk, cramming for his final exams.  Assuming he didn’t somehow flunk any of his classes, he would be graduating after this term.

He was quite absorbed in his studies, and didn’t notice Andi when she appeared in his room.  Andi was a little surprised by the new surroundings.  The last time she’d seen Rob, he’d lived in the dorms.  She wondered how long she’d been dead.  It didn’t seem all that long.

“Hi Rob,” Andi said.

Rob started, then laughed, and then turned around to see who was talking to him.  When he saw it was Andi, he started again, and uttered a little shriek before fumbling and falling off his chair.  Rob scrambled back up again, and looked at Andi with a mixture of curiosity and terror.

“Andi?” Rob said.

“That’s me,” Andi said, and smiled.

“But you’re dead,” Rob said.  “And you’ve been dead for, gee, two years, give or take.  I was at your funeral and you were definitely dead.  You can’t be here,” Rob said. 

He seemed to settle down a bit then, and even smiled a little bit.  “OK, I fell asleep studying and now I’m dreaming that you’re here.  I must be missing you without realizing it at the moment.  Any second here, I’m going to wake up, say ‘that was a weird dream’ and go get some coffee so I can keep studying.”

That wasn’t really the reaction Andi had been expecting.  She’s been expecting, actually, for Rob to be happy to see her.  She was a little hurt, to be honest.

***

Death wasn’t sure, at the moment, if she would have been more irritated to find another suicide rather than to discover Ares was at it again.

This time, Death found herself watching chaos unfold in a bank.  One of the tellers, already dead, hung limp over the counter.  Ares was holding another one up by his hair.

“All I want to do is withdraw some of my money.  Why is this so complicated?  Keeping my money until I need it is your job, that’s why I have an account here.  I don’t give you my money so that you can refuse to give it back to me when I ask.  I’d even asked nicely.  Look, I’d even filled out one of these fucking withdrawal slips, so you don’t have to do anything but count out my money.  Why, exactly, to I have to talk to the branch manager in order to get my money?” Ares said. 

He was shoving the withdrawal slip in the teller’s face.

“I’m just following the rules,” the teller said.  He was struggling, but there’s honestly not much a person can do to resist when they’ve been lifted by the hair and held at arm’s length by a god of war.

“Well, who the hell can help me then?  Where’s this branch manager you all are so freaking dependent on in order to do your jobs?” Ares said.

The branch manager was, in fact, cowering behind his desk at the moment, having a quick peek over his cube wall now and then in order to see if the scary man had gone away.  When he saw that he hadn’t, he ducked back down.

The teller was a little too occupied with being terrified and experiencing an astonishing about of pain in his scalp to point to the branch manager’s cubicle, but he looked over that way, and Ares followed the teller’s gaze until he spotted the little placard that said “Branch Manager.”

“Thanks,“ Ares said, and dismissively threw the teller into the nearby wall.  The teller collapsed to the floor in a heap.

Ares strode over to the branch manager’s cube, and quickly spotted him hiding under his desk.

“Customer service is required here, asshole,” Ares said.  He grabbed the edge of the desk and lifted sharply, pulling it free from its mounting and exposing the branch manager, who had curled up into a little ball. 

Ares grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him to his feet.  The branch manager screamed and wet himself a little bit.

“Now,” Ares said.  “Maybe you can explain why it is that I can’t have my money.”

“It’s just a very big withdrawal for us, we’re not used to dealing with that kind of cash with no notice,” the branch manager said apologetically.  He’d wanted to sound firm and professional, but failed completely.

“Well, that’s just horseshit, man.  You’re a damned bank.  This is where people keep their money.  I can’t think of any reason why I shouldn’t be able to come in here and get my money out,” Ares said.  “No wonder everyone hates bankers, you guys suck.”

Death supposed she should intervene, even though this time it seemed like Ares actually had a point.

“Ares,” Death said, “I think he’s learned his lesson.  He’s already ruined his suit, maybe cut him a little slack this one time?”

Ares looked sharply to see who was telling him to cool it, but he relaxed when he saw it was Death.  He kept a firm hold of the branch manager, but spoke conversationally with Death.

“Hi Death!  Where’s your trainee?  Did you have to fire her?” Ares said.

“She’s off taking care of a collection, since you had to interrupt my day, again,” Death said.  She sounded kind of tired.

“Interrupt? Oh, yeah,” Ares said, and glanced at the two bodies on the other side of the room.

“I don’t suppose you could let him go, just this once?  I promise you, his ending is going to be pretty unpleasant anyway,” Death said, indicating the branch manager.

“Well,” Ares said.  “OK, I guess.  I suppose he’s learned his lesson.”

Ares set the branch manager down again, but kept ahold of his collar.

“Right?” Ares said to him.

“Sure thing, you’ve got it,” the branch manager said in a rush.  “Anything you want.”

Ares looked at him with no small amount of suspicion, but let him go.

“Don’t forget it,” Ares said.

The branch manager walked backwards as quickly as he could, not turning his back on Ares.

Ares turned to Death, and resumed the conversation in an ordinary tone of voice.

“So have you got time for me to buy you a make-up dinner today?  Anything you’re in the mood for, just name it,” Ares said.

“No thanks, Ares, I don’t have time and I have to get these two over…” Death said and trailed off.  She looked as though she was trying to overhear a conversation that was just slightly too soft to hear easily.

“Well, just give me the word,” Ares said.  “Like I said, anything you’d like, my treat.”

Death wasn’t looking at Ares.  She had an annoyed expression on her face.

“Damn it,” she muttered.   “Look, I’ve got to get these two souls over and then go take care of another mess, Ares.  I’ll catch you later.”

Ares looked disappointed, for a moment.

“Oh.  OK.  See you later, Death,” Ares said.  “But be sure to call me, it’ll be my pleasure to buy you dinner sometime.”

Death grabbed the souls of the bank tellers by their arms, and stepped out of the world.

***

Rob couldn’t believe that he was talking to his dead friend Andi.  It was utterly impossible.  And even more impossible was what she was doing, now that she was dead.

“So, you’re learning how to be death?” Rob said.

“Yeah! Wait until you meet her, she’s a trip!” Andi said.

She was thrilled to be talking to Rob again.  Andi hadn’t realized how lonely she had actually gotten.  Learning to collect souls had kept her extremely busy, and Death was pretty cool, but it wasn’t the same as having a friend to pal around with.

Rob smiled slightly, and said, “I’m still trying to come to terms with the idea that you’re actually here in front of me and that I’m not dreaming.”

Andi pinched Rob’s arm, hard but affectionately, and said, “You’re not dreaming, I’m really here.”

The two of them were no longer alone.  Rob was not expecting to see Death when she appeared, so he didn’t.  Andi didn’t see her because she was too busy paying attention to Rob.

Had either of them noticed Death standing quietly behind Andi, they would have seen that she was not amused in the least.  In fact, any outside observer would probably describe Death’s apparent mood as “a state of high piss-off.”

Andi was still chatting a mile a minute with Rob.

“Wow, so I’ve been dead for way longer than I thought.  It’s weird how time passes now.  And so you’re almost done with school that’s…” is as far as Andi got before she appeared to vanish into thin air.

Rob blinked a couple of times, and looked around the room.  He was alone again.

“Andi?” he said. “Hey, are you still here?”

There was no answer.  He wondered if that had actually happened, or if he was just dreaming of a long gone friend.